According to existing research1 on narcissism, self-esteem, and love, while narcissists enjoy the attention and satisfaction provided by a romantic relationship, they are unable to truly care for another human being and don’t appreciate the emotional demands of a relationship.
Their inflated sense of self needs constant validation from romantic alternatives, making them resistant to commitment and in some cases, prone to playing games as a tactic to create emotional distance.
Another study2 exploring the lives of women in a long-term, intimate relationship with a narcissistic male partner revealed physical and psychological abuse, social isolation, and financial exploitation. The abuse had a deeply negative effect on their independence, sense of self, and mental and emotional wellbeing.
Any challenge to the narcissistic partner’s superiority, sense of control, or their distorted perception of reality could lead to a violent response2. To avoid conflict, you may feel like you have to walk on eggshells and constantly subvert your own needs to accommodate their volatile nature.
This pattern may lead to hyper-vigilance and lasting emotional trauma. Despite the abuse, the complete loss of agency over time is why you may continue to stay in a relationship long past its expiration date.
According to Parmar, narcissists also gaslight their partners, and while the relationship may begin with love bombing, it will eventually move onto devaluation. The narcissist repeats the cycle of rejecting and discarding, then love bombing again.
“Narcissists may initially shower their partner with praise, attention, and affection, making them feel special and loved. However, this phase does not last long,” Parmar says, adding, “Once [the narcissist] feels bored or threatened by their partner’s independence or achievements, they may switch to criticizing, ignoring, or demeaning them.”
Due to the unpredictability and controlling nature of the narcissist, and the lack of any real emotional intimacy in the relationship, you may feel anxious and depressed as the relationship goes on.
